Tag: Marriage

Enlightenment

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When the wedding ceremony is over and the reality that two becomes one, enlightenment sets in. There is a ‘No duh’ statement for you. Within hours you’re in the world of couples, and some can look a lot different.

Shortly after my marriage, I came to know a lady I’ll refer to as Plain Jane; as that is how she saw herself.  According to her, the  love for her husband is real and when they married, all she wanted was for them to grow old together. As time went on though, it seems that was not enough. She found herself comparing her life with others, and in her eyes, fell short of the ideal.

“The two of us together were fine at first, but then I got to wanting a baby; and that wasn’t happening fast enough to suit me.” Eventually, it came to be. We were close enough for me to see she was over her head in motherhood. “I’ve got the child, but now what do I do with it?”

That was when I realized what was going on with Plain Jane, or PJ for short; but not pajamas. The woman was always wanting something. Life was perfect, except for ____________________. Filling in the blank could be anything at any given time. Nothing seemed to satisfy her.

I recall one time her lamenting that she would like to work outside of the home. Just to talk with grown-ups and feel like she was making a contribution to her family. Having a purpose meant a lot to her. She had a few more kids as the years went by and they needed her. But that was not fulfilling to her.

More than once, I told her she was contributing. This was before there was such a thing as playdates for the children; like-wise no Moms Day Out at the local church either. I suppose being unable to change her circumstances made her feel stuck.

Our relationship continues and find ourselves more comfortable now. We are more than two peas in a pod. We are one and the same. I’m not the same person I used to be.  Time and experiences make a difference.

I’ve learned that I am loved by more than just my family; God does too. He he has a plan for my life and considers me precious enough to care about things that concern me. He has let me know that I shouldn’t compare myself with others as that is dangerous to my well-being.

There is more. It is a mistake for me to worry over things out of my control, that’s infringing on his turf. Miracles are his specialty. He has my back and promised to meet my needs. I can vouch that he does. Maybe not when I think he should, but seeing how he also created the universe, I have to concede that he knows more about timing than I do.

Here is the thing that can boggle any mind. He loves everyone. Even those who least deserve it.  He provides for folks that think they have complete control of their life. If the proverbial rug has pulled out from under you, its recipe that provides a chance to get to know him better. Opportunity awaits.

An Old Fashioned Love Story

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Couple

The love story of TC, as I’ve come to call them, isn’t mine to tell. However, they aren’t inclined to call attention to themselves. So if I don’t tell you, how will you ever know what love looks like?

TC are their initials; wherever you saw one of them, the other was surely nearby. They belonged together as much as peanut butter and jelly.

I confess I don’t know their full story, just the good part.

There was 15 years difference in their age. What I don’t know is how they met. It could have been at church or maybe at a summer camp. Questions come to mind about what a 25 year old man would be doing with a girl so young. As a parent I confess to shudder, thinking all kinds of wrong in it.

That’s why when sixteen year old C asked her folks what they thought of her and T getting married, they were aghast.

“Absolutely not!” How could a young impressionable high school girl know her heart? It was unthinkable.

(Note: This is another part I don’t know. Did TC go behind her folks back? If so, it was a long distance relationship.)

Through the week T worked as a road surveyor in the north woods. He was most comfortable out in nature, enjoying the fresh air, natural beauty and peace it offered.

Weekends found him back downstate among the hustle and bustle of the suburbs where C lived. What TC shared was genuine.

Years passed. C graduated from high school. She went on to college, graduating after four years of studies. She got herself a job, saving enough money to eventually move out of her parents’ home into an apartment.

All the while love remained, grew actually. T waited all this time for one reason. Mind you, he and C never abandoned the dream of marriage.

But first T wanted C to experience what adulthood held. Independence, and the responsibilities of working for a living, purchasing a car along with the maintenance of it, housekeeping, cooking, you name it.

T didn’t ever want C to feel rushed into marriage, not having the chance to do things on her own. She got to experience it all.

Ten years later we were invited to their wedding. Here is the best part. T standing at the foot of the altar, his arm down at this side, but his hand very subtly urging C to come forward quickly down the aisle. Enough time had passed.

It was a day of joy like I had never witnessed before or since.

Besides the love they had for each other, together they shared a love for Jesus. He was the one that gave them the patience and the strength to do this thing right, with no regrets.

This is how I envision Jesus’ love for us. He lets us grow up and experience life both with and without him, all the while, his love never ending. Any mistakes we make along the way are opportunities to see him better and realize he has the best for us in the long run.

Cheerful Helpmate

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20200614_140123                                                                                                   © jb katke

“You have been married forty years? I can’t imagine being together with someone that long.”

Tina was caregiver to my father and his wife in their final years.  The admiration of the love they shared spoke to this twenty something young woman. That’s what prompted her question to my husband and me as to the years we’ve been together.

“What is the glue that motivates you to stay together?”

I ask you, how does one explain in a few words what has taken a lifetime to learn?

We married so young, I must confess, both of us had some growing up to do. But there were some things set in place that helped.  Each of us came from a solid two parent home.  Both families acknowledged God.

Being high school sweethearts gave us the time to get to know each other. Learning what makes a person tick is beneficial as to whether the relationship continues.   We liked each other and appreciated our respective outside interests.

In our dating years there was no sexual intimacy.  That may sound admirable, but I later learned becomes crucial.

Our marriage has definitive roles.  We relied upon each other.  Knowing the one would pull their weight made for less conflict because we shared the same goals.

But things don’t always stay the same.  Employment can change. Age happens.  Health plays a big part. Adapting becomes the rule of the day.

God’s word indicates a wife to be a help, not a hindrance, to her husband. I became right-hand man to my husbands’ remodeling business. Office assistant and go-fer were added to the hats I wore.

When life changes come at you came, we knew we had each other’s back.  Whatever we were in, we were in it together.

The Bible doesn’t indicate a husband to be a helpmate.  But he can be if he wants to.  Recently, at a quilt workshop, I forgot to pack way too many needful items.  My husband willingly brought what I needed.  Four times!  Happily, because he knows I would do it for him.

Have done it for him.  Well, not four times in one day.

Bear with my lopsided humor. In reference to the picture, differing adhesives are required:

Painters tape for little touch-ups that need attention.

Movers tape because oftentimes we need to move on.

Electrical tape as sometimes tempers get hot (ok mine can).

Duct tape when you need something that will stick forever.

Wood glue, with a clamp, when you remember a commitment was made on our wedding day, complete with witnesses!

Explaining to so many doesn’t make sense when you genuinely love each other and know we were brought together for a divine reason.

 

The Perfect Husband

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Dave sunning 3[2898]                                                                © jb katke

Can you define the perfect husband?

When my girls were teenagers they could sum it up in a single word. Rich.

My definition of the perfect husband has changed through the years. I didn’t think about it when I got married. My list came into existence when our first child was born. I should have married a pediatrician. He could have answered my endless questions and known just what to do in child raising.

Fathers Day is approaching, so I focus on Dave, the father of my children. As the years stacked up I was glad to have married a man that can fix anything. Anything. But then I got to wishing he would stop with the constructive criticism. I found he wasn’t so handy at emotional issues.

Our first home shrank after purchase. We moved in as a family of three but grew to five. Even completely rebuilding the upstairs, it still left us wanting more space. But it definitely improved the salability of the home. I was truly grateful for his skill.

We shared several lean years when he did much of our automotive maintenance. He knew how to do a lot, then I found out he didn’t like it too much. Shoot, we couldn’t afford all our car repairs! So I was glad he was at least willing to tackle some.

His career was in machine maintenance at a check printing company. So many of the plants were closing that it made moving away from the only home we knew necessary. Both of our hearts ached at the division it created in our family. But he faced the hardship in order to continue providing for us.

He retired at a young age which required further employment. By now his skills had become well known to friends. It led to his starting a home business in remodeling. He was a man in demand. I was so proud to his expertise until he was a little too busy to make what I deemed necessary for our home!

When friends found themselves out of work, Dave offered for them to join him, making it a win/win for all. My man has a good heart. After several surgeries, he needed a helping hand. Friends stepped up, even though construction was out of their wheelhouse, and came to his aid. He knows how to make and keep good friends.

Our life together has not always been perfect. But I have come to the point of realization Dave is perfect for me. He balances me as no other can. He is a man full of wisdom and I appreciate being able to bounce thoughts off him. Sometimes he wonders where I come up with stuff, but its all good, we keep each other on our toes.

Dave has supported me while I looked for myself. That’s what women of the 70’s did. They felt the need to be someone more than wife and mother. Deep inside, we know we are made for a unique purpose. Many left home, but I stayed and kept looking in the cracks and crevices until I found me.

The thing is we more than like each other, we love each other. Staying together just made sense.  But I’ve saved the best for last. He recognized his need for Jesus and together we have included him in our marriage. Our life together has never been so good!