© jb katke
“I can’t see the forest for the trees.”
It’s a 1546 Renaissance proverb found in John Heywood’s collection. He was born a little before my time, so I cannot say what he was referencing. It could allude to any number of topics.
I am applying it to a well-known situation that I have never experienced. Death by divorce. The following are my observations. I am counting on your feedback if I am off base.
You may wonder what a forest of trees has to do with marriage. Lots. As in any difficult situation, yours is the only viewpoint seen. Other stuff gets in the way to see the situation clearly. Unfortunately, likewise for the other party.
In fairness, I am certain at the wedding ceremony, a new husband and wife could not fathom ever divorcing. Never-ending love was the promise, vowing togetherness for better or for worse. Wedding vows may not include that anymore, I haven’t attended a wedding recently to state that as fact.
Then again, I have concerns. The mindset of things potentially going bad; that divorcing has become the norm. The Good Lord designed marriage, but not divorce.
When the honeymoon is over and the rubber hits the road, goals may no longer be in sync with each other. Agreements are few and far between. I could add more, but you may know them better than I. This is the why of Jesus.
If you have issues with yourself, your spouse may begin to agree with you. Mutual respect goes out the window. This is the why of Jesus.
Money can be a fabulous contender for disagreement. Living without becomes tiresome and the stress of paying bills is never-ending. This is the why of Jesus.
You have my word; sometimes too much cash is a blessing. It keeps one from making foolish expenditures.
The kids. Don’t even get me started. Yes, they do adjust, but the process can be too painful for young hearts to deal with. They were wanted at one time, but now, one of their parents cannot be bothered? I know their needs keep growing along with them, parenthood is a giant sacrifice. This is the why of Jesus.
Divorce may look like the answer. In reality, it is a chosen death. Death of a relationship, a deliberate rejection. Genuine love cannot be turned on and off like a water faucet. Unlike physical death, both parties must take on a new life with the potential of zero support. That is a no fun party. This is the why of Jesus.
You don’t hear me saying abuse, be it mental or physical, should ever be tolerated. There are exceptions to every rule. To live in bondage is not living, it is existing in the shadows. Survival from endangerment becomes necessary. This is the why of Jesus.
If a belief system has moved in a spiritual way, it leaves the spouse saying, “This is not who I married, who are you?” Suddenly, all of the above becomes an issue.
The why of Jesus is he knows it. All of it. Learning, and leaning on him can help. The Good Book says, ‘Come to me who are burdened, I will lighten your load.’ Give him a try, he’s worth the effort. This I have experienced and know to be true.
He supports us by saying ‘I love you with a never-ending love and am close to you.’ He strengthens us in our daily responsibilities. Jesus knows we need funds to live, he asks us to give our heart to him that he designed with a special space just for him to live. He will not barge in; he enters by invitation only.
He takes all the stress and confusion; making something good of it. How nice it would be nice if the good happened overnight. But none of us got where we are today overnight, it takes time. Be patient with Jesus as he works in your spouse’ mind and heart. He is the only one capable of the task.